there’s this girl who makes coffee and she pays attention to everyone, coming up with a new quirky thing to call them.  she looks greek or something, she clearly works out.  I feel like hanging out with her would get really burdensome because she’s constantly throwing out words.  i wonder if her friends are quiet.  

I’ve given it a lot of thought, a lot of denial and worry and pacing around.  A 4:00 PM mornings and 5:00 AM bedtimes.  A lot of scribbles and nosebleeds and drunken couch-naps.  i’m getting tired.  

I looked around for an AA meeting to go to, found one, and maybe it’s premature and maybe it’s overreacting but i feel like i should try it out, see where this all leads.  In doing this i have a feeling i’m gonna have to change up a lot of my life, especially socially.  I’m scared to.  

for fuck’s sake:  

“it will help

if you remember 
that everything eventually refers
to things you heard once
and then
forgot
all about
until something conjured up
what was left of them 
in you”

-John Darneille.  

the first one is wikileaks related, and FUCKING FASCINATING and, personally, deliciously topical.  

the next one is always beautiful, even if it’s largely about bands i’ve never heard and never really want to.  

example: 

“the problem with the metal now
is that people will go to bat for stuff
that’s really quite fine
and is utterly unmemorable
and could not grow a barnacle
if it sat in wet dock

for a thousand years
and another thousand
and then several more thousand
unrotting
stable
post-everything
no barnacles

it’s fine and all”

-John Darnielle

i don’t even listen to metal on purpose very often and i was moved.  Read everything.  there are some that are prose, but a while back he decided he’d break the lines up and call it poetry.  Which it is, even without linebreaks.  cheers.